Book of Regrets
by akatsukireunites
Summary: It was unintentional and shameful, since he knew he was undeserving of her affection, but Draco found himself pining after the Head Girl. Wanting her for months, Draco almost lost all hope until he discovered her Book of Regrets. Language/Sexual Content


**Title** : Book of Regrets

 **Rating** : M

 **Words** : 2,455

 **Summary** : It was unintentional and shameful, since he knew he was undeserving of her affection, but Draco found himself pining after the Head Girl. Wanting her for months, Draco almost lost all hope until he discovered her Book of Regrets.

 **A/N** : This isn't angsty, more like angsty one-sided crushing from Draco's side, but it does have a happier ending. Sorry for completing the request late, I needed to be inspired and this doc was accidentally deleted and I had to do it all over (the original was way better and more detailed, I want to cry) *Sigh*

* * *

When it happened, he didn't know, but Draco knew that he had fallen unconditionally in love with Hermione Granger.

It all started when he came back for his last year at Hogwarts and he was appointed Head Boy. Sharing a common room with the bushy-haired girl, it was hard not to notice the changes in her appearance. Alone in his bed, his mind was filled with shameless fantasies about the bookworm that ended in giving him sleepless nights. Imagining himself running his fingers down those long, toned legs and curling his fingers into that sexy, wild hair, Draco knew that he had, without a doubt, lost it.

But could you blame him?

Isolated from everyone in Hogwarts, Draco felt like an outcast. It didn't help that more than half of Slytherin did not return for their last school year. His father sent to Azkaban and his mother locked up in the Manor, Draco reluctantly returned to school to complete his education. What he didn't count on was befriending Hermione.

Shunned by the whole school population, he found himself more and more alone than he thought. Ignoring the staring and whispered insults, Draco walked from class to class, pulling down on his sleeve to hide his Dark Mark.

And then one day, after receiving another depressing letter from his mother, he sat by himself in the Great Hall rereading letter with a forlorn expression, not noticing her sitting in front of him. Draco didn't notice until all the students around him fell silent and he could sense all the stares directed at him.

Looking up, Draco met her brown, smoldering eyes in silent shock. She didn't say anything.

With a casual shrug, she resumed eating. They didn't talk, for he knew nothing to talk to her about, but he wanted to ask her what in the bloody hell was she doing.

It wasn't the first time. She gradually began to spend more time with him outside of their Head duties. Walking to each other classes, attending quidditch games, doing homework together, they were always together.

Draco never asked her why she didn't spend so much time with her friends, and he wasn't going to complain about it either. Her presence gave him a reason to wake up each morning to get by the next day.

He began to treasure every moment with her, get excited about their friendly banter about literature, laugh and tease her mercilessly. She gave him light to his dark, empty heart.

His crush became apparent the more he lounged on their little sofa in front of the fire in their common room, her head resting on his shoulder as they shared a book. Their fondness for reading, for sitting in silence comfortably, it brought them even closer together. But not enough.

There was always that lingering unsatisfied feeling creeping in his stomach when he was around her. Casual hugs and chaste kisses on the cheek was never enough.

Draco didn't just want to be friends. Only thing is, he didn't know if he wanted to pull Hermione down into his troubles. He was taunted enough, excluded from everything, he didn't want to drag her down with him.

He didn't realize how hard it would be to stuff his feelings aside.

One day, while he was busy doing his homework in front of the fire, Draco heard Hermione slam her bedroom door shut. Stalking to where he was, dressed in nothing but a thin shirt that spread to the top of her thighs, she mumbled under her breath about finding a lost book. Her long lean legs and nicely shaped breast were too revealing, a hot flush spreading through him.

Rattled into silence, Draco quickly darted his eyes away into his book, hiding his blush and trying desperately not to ogle at her like a pig.

When she finally found the book, Draco twisted around to see her sway her hips as she left, her pert, little arse teasing him with each move. Biting back a lustful groan, his head fell back and he looked up at the ceiling. The little minx was making it hard for him not to fuck her against the wall until she screamed his name for more.

Because, Merlin, he wanted _more_.

Once, in the second term, Draco tried to confess his feelings. The perfect timing came in between their classes and like usual, she had her arm linked to his as they walked to their next shared class, ignoring all the staring.

"Hermione?"

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking….about us…"

"…What about us?"

"Well, you see…"

"Hermione! There you are!"

Draco never hated Harry Potter as he did then. Losing his opportunity, his cowardice took over and he began to lose hope. Even when she began to react more comfortably to him and suddenly became more "touchy", Draco knew that in her mind, it was all friendship-related and too innocent to mean something else.

Months passes, nights filled with lonely wanting, Draco felt like bursting. He was losing patience, banging his head into the wall in his room as he envisioned a naked Hermione in the next bathroom bathing as he groaned.

The agony never left.

And Hermione wasn't making it easy for him to restrain himself. Twice, _twice_ , he ran into her coming out of the shower wrapped in nothing but a towel. Uncomfortably excusing himself, Draco practically ran to his room before he did something he'd regret. Like chug the towel away and ravish her right there on the wall.

Sullenly, Draco continued to attend his classes and spend his free time with the witch, all the while mulling about how life was unfair. Fate was never on his side.

He knew he would never deserve her. A former Death Eater and betrayer, not to mention his numerous times growing up name-calling and insulting her, Draco wasn't even in her league. He shouldn't want her.

But he wanted.

During finals week before Christmas break, Draco was sitting in the head common room, trying to focus on his homework and uselessly trying not to gaze at Hermione while she chewed her quill, flipping her back ever so often.

It was that night when it happened. When his fantasies became reality.

Excusing herself to go patrolling for the night, Hermione left him alone to ponder his thoughts about his situation, her books still on the table across him.

Right on top of the pile was a medium-sized leather book. Curiously, Draco nudged closer to get a look, realizing that it was not a school textbook.

It was a journal. On top, in Hermione's handwriting, was titled, " _Book of Regrets."_

Guilt swept him, but he couldn't help it. For months Draco tried to reach into her intelligent mind, but he always hit a brick wall. She was a closed book. Sure they talked about personal stuff sometimes, but they never spoke of feelings. Never extended their friendship beyond friendly chatter and banter.

She was bossy and a know-it-all, but sweet and kind. While he, on the other hand, was cold and detached, but competitive and mischievous. They balanced each other well, but they still contrasted one another in many ways.

Sliding a finger over the cover, he wondered.

Did she mention him in…in this diary? Looking at the title again, Draco bet she did.

Glancing at the door where she exited, he snatched the book and opened to the first page.

… _not spending more time with my old school friends after leaving for Hogwarts._

Flipping, Draco realized that each page contained a sentence of some kind of regret, the first one dating back in first year. He continued reading, dicing into her deepened, secretive thoughts. Reading all her regrets, things she have done, things she wished she haven't did.

It felt wrong.

Like he was invading her privacy, snooping into her mind without permission, but Draco _had_ to know what she thought of him. He flipped toward the end of the journal, to the recent entries. To the year where they became close friends.

… _not wanting to hanging out with my friends anymore._

… _not finding a way to restore my parent's memories._

… _not befriending Draco sooner._

So he was mentioned! Eagerly, Draco read on.

…not getting over the war. The nightmares just won't stop.

… _not stopping myself from feeling jealous over_ _ **him**_ _._

Draco paused and raised his eyebrows, anxiety hitting him in the chest. Who was him? Red, hot jealous filled his core. He continued reading, trying to see if she would name the bastard who he had to compete against now.

… _not feeling guilty about skipping girl's night with Ginny and Luna. I rather hang out with Draco in silence._

He beamed.

… _not getting a higher mark on my last paper._

Uninterested, Draco flipped a couple of pages, realizing that they were all school-related. Typical bookworm. He continued to flip until he saw his name again.

His heart fell.

… _not telling myself to stop feeling this way. But Draco is just too different from everyone else._

Bloody hell, was she…?

… _not getting over my crush, I know it will make our friendship awkward._

Sweat formed over his forehead, his eyes widening with utter shock. She…she had a… what?

… _not focusing in enough Potions, but how can I, when I sit right next to him?_

He was her partner in Potions. Oh, sweet Merlin! Was this happening? Was he really reading this? NO. It had to be a dream.

Draco flipped the page, swallowing the lump in his throat.

… _not stopping myself from wanting him romantically. I hate this. Even Ron didn't make me feel that way._

Draco abruptly shut the book and threw it on the table. Getting up hastily, he raked his fingers through his hair as he paced the room.

How could he have been so stupid? So _blind_?

SHE RETURNED HIS FEELINGS!

All those weeks, months, all those times where he thought it was hopeless, she had felt the same. All that time!

Draco rubbed his jaw, debating how to handle this revelation.

Just then, Draco heard the lock of the front door click open. His head shot up to take in her appearance as she sauntered in.

She stopped when her eyes landed on him.

"Hey…you still up?"

Eyes wide, he gulped, "Y-Yeah."

 _You like me!_ He wanted to scream.

Hermione arched a brow but didn't press. Instead, she moved to grab her books, but Draco stopped her before she entered her room.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back toward him, facing him.

"How long?"

"What?" She looked up at him in confusion.

"How long have you liked me?" Draco elaborated, eyeing her carefully.

The girl blushed, flustering as she tried to deny his words.

"Huh? W-What are you talking about? I…I don't…."

"Yes. You do." Draco affirmed, wrapping his arms around her waist and releasing a surprised gasp from her.

This time she didn't deny it. Her lips pursed, she glanced downward, avoiding his eyes.

"Do you?" He pressed roughly.

 _Don't deny me this. Don't try to fight this._

Hermione bit her lip and nodded shyly.

"Y-Yes, I do..but how did you…"

"Find out?" Draco supplied with a smile. "Let's just say that I am glad my intuition was right."

His intuition was shitty. Had he not snooped in her _Book of Regrets_ , he would have never mustered courage to confront her.

Hermione bit her lip and looked up at him uncertainly, wavering. "And do you feel the same? I mean, I don't want to ruin our friendship, but…"

Draco groaned and set his forehead on her's. "You do _not_ know how long I have been wanting you. How hard it was for me to restrain myself from ruining our relationship because I couldn't afford to lose you. Lose what we had, but Merlin, you made it hard for me."

She pushed back. "You wanted me?"

"Want, not wanted."

And he smashed his lips into her pink ones, finally fulfilling what he always ached to do. Hermione leaned into the kiss eagerly, curling her cool fingers into his hair as he pushed her back into the wall, trapping her with the length of his body. The kiss ran on for hours, as they tasted, grazed, memorized, pulled, and pushed. The friction was tantalizing, their lips savoring one another's. Her lips parted in invitation and Draco swept his tongue over her lower lip before deepening the kiss.

Hermione moaned, pressing her chest flush against her, her delectable breasts he fantasized sucking pressing into him. It took every effort in him not to rip her shirt off and take her hard against the wall.

He finally confessed his feelings and he didn't want to ruin anything from the get go. The were going too fast. And yet….too slow. He didn't know. All he knew was that her body smelled like lavendar and she felt amazing against him, so amazing, he pulled his hips back slightly so she wouldn't notice how hard he was getting.

But she did.

Hermione slid her hands down his chest, and boldly began to paw his cock over his trousers.

Draco released a growl, bucking as she grazed him.

"F-Fuck. Hermione." He grabbed her hand. "If you do that, I'm going to…Damn, I won't be able to s-stop…"

"Then don't."

Releasing her hold from him, she bent down and unzipped him, sliding his trousers down as he banged his forehead into the wall over her.

Draco didn't know what was happening, whether or not they should explore their relationship first, or if he should first work on wooing her, because Merlin did she deserve that. But sex? He never planned on that.

Slipping her hand into his boxers, she cupped him, kneading his flesh, and he jolted with each squeeze.

"H-Hermione, you….you don't have to….I mean…"

Teasingly, she pumped him, swiping the head with her thumb and then pulling the fabric down so she could encase his cock in her wet mouth.

Draco cursed, his eyes rolling back into his head. She took him hard, teeth grazing and tongue sliding his length, tasting and licking. Realizing that he was going to come soon, he fisted her hair and pulled her gently back. Pulling her up into a standing position, he threw her over his shoulder.

"Draco!" She yelled in surprise, laughing.

Chuckling himself, he stepped over his pants and walked her to his room. Tossing her into his bed, she fell back into his pillows, her wild hair splaying over the cotton pillows. Climbing on top of her with a devilish smirk, he began to undress her. Pulling her shirt and pants off, he traced her skin, kissed her everywhere, worshiped her gorgeous body until he had it fully memorized in his brain before removing her bra and panties.

She looked absolutely delectable naked in his bed. Kissing her hard, their teeth clashed and they hungrily pressed into each other. Hands everywhere, caresses exchanged, heat forming in between. Sliding his lips down her neck, he nipped her as he pawed her breasts, tracing the sensitive nipple. Sucking one of them, he played with her breasts as he grinded into her.

"Oh, Draco! _Ah_!"

She thrashed under him, her body rubbing against him as she released a sensual moan.

"Does that feel good?" Draco asked hoarsely, ripping off his boxers and rubbing into her, flesh against flesh. Positioning his cock at her entrance, he slid it up and down, over her wet folds, mercilessly torturing her.

"God, Yes!"

Smirking, he slid his fingers to her dampness, circling her folds before inserting them deeper into her bud. She writhed below him, shaking and trembling as he inserted another to massage her inner walls.

"Make love to me, Draco." She demanded. "I need you…inside me, now!"

Chuckling, Draco told her, "Hold on to me."

Obeying, she clutched his biceps as he plunged deep into her warmth, filling himself to her hilt. Her tight, perfect walls hugged his cock automatically; it felt so good he began to curse as he filled her.

"Merlin…shit, Hermione, you feel so fucking good."

Once fully buried, he began to pound relentlessly in her, working her up and enjoying the sensation for her spasming walls clenching down on him.

" _Draco! Draco! Draco!"_

Muffling her screams with his lips, he hooked one of her legs over his shoulder as he drove deeper into her, hitting that perfect spot. She tightened her legs around him, the headboard smacking into the wall as he thrusted in and out and in and out, spilling his hot seed into her.

She came hard, her screams resonating in his ears and he followed soon after, his own climax ripping through him.

Collapsing on top of her, still fully buried in her heat, Draco caught his breath.

"I love you, Hermione." He gasped, not caring anymore.

In response, she kissed his cheek lazily, her eyes drooping and filled with sheer happiness.

It was perhaps the most happiest night of his life. Watching her sleep peacefully in his bed, her naked body sprawled against him, Draco thanked the heavens for letting Hermione create that _Book of Regrets_ or he would have not pursued her tonight. Not that he predicted that was going to fuck her brains out tonight, but that worked out well too.

He only hoped that tomorrow she won't mark this night as a regret. Because dammit, she was his.

The next day, while she was showering, his curiosity invaded him again.

He told himself he wouldn't invade her privacy again, not wanting to ruin this, but…

Just one last time.

Cautiously opening to the current page, looking up to make sure she didn't see him, but then he heard her faintly singing in the shower, he looked back down.

… _not telling Draco Malfoy that I loved him last night._

He smiled.


End file.
